Bites from The Learning Table: 4. People Don't Change... or Do They?
- Deane Lam
- May 30
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 7
As we wrapped up the final session of The Learning Table series (Chinese edition), a few powerful reflections stood out—reminding us that real transformation doesn’t come from changing people, but from unlocking the conditions that make change possible.
Table Bites
1. Can people really change?
The truth is, we can’t make someone change. But we can create the space where change can begin—for others and for ourselves.
Change doesn’t start with force—it starts with understanding. When we uncover what someone (including ourselves) truly needs—Facts, Friendship, Feelings, and Future—we unlock the doorway to choice.
Each of these speaks to a part of us:
the head (truth and clarity)
the hands (support from others)
the heart (emotional safety)
the feet (a direction to walk toward)
When those needs are met, we don’t push people into change—we invite them into it.
2. Unlock to change vs. unlock for change
Looking to the future can motivate us to change—but real change begins in the present. There’s a subtle but important difference between unlocking to change and unlocking for change. The future may pull us forward, but we can’t step into it without first unlocking what holds us now—a stuck emotion, an unspoken truth, a strained relationship, or a barrier we’ve yet to face.
Yes, the vision of the future pulls us forward, but the first step always begins in the now. Without unlocking the present, we stay stuck at the threshold—unable to move.
Thank you to everyone who joined our 4-session journey at The Learning Table! Each of you brought insight, heart, and presence—turning every session into more than just a conversation, but a shared moment of growth.
Each session came with an exclusive Reflection Note just for participants—and many shared it was a game-changer. May those ripples continue, long after the table is cleared.
Missed the Chinese series or want to invite a friend? We are bringing an English Learning Table this June. Join us or share the invite. [Details and Sign Up Here]
And finally, a heartfelt thanks to everyone who’s been part of this ride—and a special shoutout to my amazing partner Cara Steenstra, whose heart and creativity shaped The Learning Table into something truly meaningful.
